You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
