$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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