If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
