That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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