I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
