who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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