and i looked up. we had an audience...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
