Four minutes until I can fart!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
