Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize