WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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