He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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