can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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