So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize