Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
