i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
