It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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