Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
