party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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