Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
