fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
