Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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