Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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