Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
