did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
whose parrot is this?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize