he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
