i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
