It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
