After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
