Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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