I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
