Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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