Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
