All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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