Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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