Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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