Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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