I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
