Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
