Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
