im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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