life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
