The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
