what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
