Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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