I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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