Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
