I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
