Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
