So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
