I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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