You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the high leading the old right now
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
