she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
