I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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