Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
