it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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