I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
