I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
