i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
