i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
