I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
