There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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