remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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