Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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