Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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