oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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