I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
