We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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