I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
