I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
