PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
