it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
