you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
