you mean i was at the winter classic?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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