Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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