We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
