Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
