I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
