Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize