She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
