"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
