I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
