OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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