mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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