i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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