he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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