The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
