Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
