Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
