Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize