why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
