when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
