Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
