I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
