Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
