so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
