there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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