he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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