I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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