And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
