It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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