so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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