My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
