so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had sex on a roof
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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