Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
